Photographer Mistaken for Gunman
Sheridan College in Ontario was locked down last Friday because it was suspected a gunman was on the premises. Thankfully, it was a false alarm, but how do you mistake a gunman? Apparently, all it took was a lone photographer, some camouflage cargo pants and his free-standing tripod.

The emergency services were alerted by a professor and his eight students, who all reported they had seen a suspicious man carrying a “long, tubular object.” Following a campus lock down and a thorough two hour search, nothing was found. Information incoming across the weekend has indicated a photographer with a tripod was the reason for the disturbance, though he has yet to be located and spanked for all the fuss he caused. Let this be a lesson to you camouflage cargo pant-wearing weirdos; don’t wear camouflage cargo pants. You’re not in the army, you suck. Talking of things that suck, according to a satirical joke we are about to make, the NRA was said to be very disappointed about there being one less gun on the streets. We don’t doubt it.

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